Here’s the context:
My Mum’s husband, Brian, has had a leisure yacht sitting in our driveway for over two years. He has been working on it the entire time, preening and primping away ensuring it looks its best.
He’s been desperate to get it onto our local Loch – Loch Rannoch – the entire time, and it seemed only right that she made her first voyage this Summer.
Yes, you read that correctly.
My Mum’s name is Tanya, of course Brian is called Brian (I hope you realised this already) and so as my Mum’s friend Joanne had mentioned – it seemed only right that the name of the yacht should be ‘BriTanya’.
However, according to Brian and to my Mum’s dismay, it is bad luck to rename a boat.
So, Abbie it is.
I know absolutely zero about sailing, so I will tell you that she has two sails, the capacity for four people and that’s about it.
And She’s Off
It took an entire Saturday to get Abbie onto the water, including reversing the Land Rover actually into the Loch – whether this was by accident or not we will never know.
Mum and I of course were not involved in this process as who would want two screaming woman around, more concerned about being bitten by midges than Abbie’s maiden voyage?
Abbie was not launched on this day as everyone was exhausted due to actually introducing her to the water, so excitement was in the air for the next day…
A Little Too Much Excitement
A glass of red wine turns into a couple of bottles that evening and midday the next day seemed to be the appropriate wake up call. With green faces and weary eyes we all put on our brave faces to ensure Abbie’s first journey was a fun one.
Life jackets on – of course – Mum and I sat in the middle of the boat – basically on top of each other, trying to make out that our sheer terror was actually blissful excitement.
The two sails went up, the men were cheering and off we went.
‘Squall’ they shout – me knowing nothing about sailing takes absolutely no notice and just assumes all is fine and dandy.
The sails catch wind and the boat starts speeding towards the centre of the Loch, during this time the boat tips so much that the edge is basically in the water, Mum and I are screaming, the men are laughing and Mum turns around to me and says:
If we capsize, take your shoes off to swim.
In my head I’m thinking – I CAN’T REMEMBER IF MY IPHONE IS WATERPROOF
Three squalls later, and many conversations between Mum and I about which bit of land is the closest to swim to, we slow down.
I never want to hear the word ‘squall’ again.
Squall – A sudden, violent wind often accompanied by rain.
Chug Chug Chug
They announce to put the engine on to get back into the harbour.
Excuse me, we had an engine this whole time? You are telling me that I nearly threw myself into an ice cold Loch out of sheer terror before this boat did first? When we could have been bobbing along peacefully with an engine?
Karma came out of nowhere when we were slowly moving into the harbour and wind caught the sails taking over the power of the engine, smashing the boat into the tyres nailed into the harbour wall.
The harbour may have lost a tyre, but Abbie is still a survivor, whether I’m speaking to her or not is another story altogether.