Holy CRAP.
The years have FLOWN BY.
This entire week I have been up and down, up and down about the fact that I am turning 25 on Saturday (2nd of June if you fancy sending me a present).
But then I started writing this blog post, then I started looking for old pictures and then I realised, hell, I’ve had a bloody great life.
So, here are some thoughts that have been going through my mind recently.
I’M SO OLD
Is that a grey hair?
WHY ARE MY EYE BAGS SO HUGE?
What do you mean NOT LONG LEFT.
I Have Achieved Nothing
Well, that’s not true but please stop telling me what your parents/ celebrities / everyone else has achieved by my age.
I completed high school, I completed uni, I managed to work and I have somehow come to New York. I’m average but I’m doing average well.
I mean, let’s face it I don’t think they will be making a lifetime movie about me any time soon.
I WAS MARRIED AND PREGNANT..
…at your age.
Thanks Mum, you did produce an other wordly angel (me), but I’m glad this is something I haven’t achieved.
Also…
I Can’t Stand Children
THERE I SAID IT
Please stop handing them to me.
I’ll love my own…probably.
Why is Music so Terrible Nowadays?
Who is ‘Post Malone’?
She says while listening to The Beach Boys.
What the F*ck is a Mortgage?
Am I supposed to know about it? Am I supposed to have one?
Is Life Always Going to be as Exhausting…
as I am now?
Gin and White Wine are my Enemy, Vodka too
You really get to know yourself at this age, do you know what I mean?
For example I can only ever have ONE GIN AND TONIC because if I have more than this I become a bubbling mess.
White wine on the other hand opens the gates of hell within my brain the next day and the toilet bowl and myself become a lot friendlier.
Vodka, oh my.
Ironing, let’s talk about that..
I genuinely think I’m doing it wrong, I can’t be bothered and my shirts still look sh*t. WHY DOES EVERYONE MAKE IT LOOK SO EASY.
Always Think About Your Problems…
in the long run, because actually, they are pretty minuscule.
Remember that argument you had with your best friend a year ago? Yeah me neither because we’re both ADULTS and we built a bridge and got right over it.
Same applies to f*ckboys, you are crying over them now but in a month you are going to be all HAHAHAHA WHAT WAS I THINKING and laughing at their Instagram.
Pre Drinks Are Nearly Always Better Than the Night Out
Thought I would join in on the ‘unpopular opinion’ craze.
Heels are a load of Crap
I may be 5’2 but I’m going to bloody embrace it because I don’t appreciate the feeling of daggers in the sole of my foot, blisters on my ankles and not being able to feel my toes.
Trainers FTW.
Clean little and a lot.
If you consistently clean up after yourself, you don’t have to do a massive spring clean.
I am yet to actually do this, but at least I recognize it now?
You are Allowed to Fail
It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s how we learn.
Forgive Them
Even if you don’t want to, it feels so much better to push aside the anger than to keep that grudge all bundled up in your chest, which is exactly what I used to do.
Forgive and walk away, you will ultimately be the bigger person.
Are you Seriously Still Smoking?
Oh p*ss off.
I will quit, promise.
I am Perfection
Said no one, ever.
The naive side of me thought I would, you know, be eating healthily and exercising more – therefore looking more fabulous than ever by this point.
However I appear to be eating chicken wings and looking forward to my next beer.
When will bums be out and bellies in?
Put Your Phone Down
It’s easier said than done, but Instagram can wait.
Have you ever scrolled back on your Instagram from two years ago? Me either.
Have you ever laughed about a funny occasion with your friends from two yeas ago? Me too.
Laugh at Yourself
I used to cringe, go red and not look at people in the eye if they brought up something embarrassing.
But you know what, I did that thing, it was stupid, it’s kind of funny now and let’s face it the people laughing have probably done something similar – and if they haven’t – they are lying.
Day Drinking is my New Favourite Drinking
There’s something nice about starting at 1pm and finishing at midnight.
Especially when the sun is out and you have an ice cold beer in your hand.
You Don’t Know What a Video Tape is?
We should probably stop talking.
WHY IS SMALL TALK STILL A THING
I am honestly more comfortable standing in silence in an elevator with someone I have never met than to discuss the weather.
I don’t know you, you don’t know me and I’m okay with that.
Theme Parks are Better as an Adult
Seriously, I regret to inform my parents that I probably did not appreciate the trips as much as I would have at this age.
Hint, hint.
Family is Awesome
You have a support network that can NEVER LEAVE YOU, how cool is that?
Family counts as blood relatives, but also those people you have picked up along the way.
You Don’t Know
How that persons day has been, so try not to be a c*nt from the word go.
Age is Just a Number
I’m still 21 in my head.
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