What to Eat When Your Cats Pissing You Off

Weird title right?

My cats the best, no seriously she is, she may as well be a dog that’s how amazing she is. She greets me at the door, she rolls on her back for tummy rubs and I’m surprised I haven’t managed to teach her to fetch yet….watch this space.

But, sometimes this angel is a complete ass hole, and sometimes when you have to deal with an annoyance, you turn to food. Well, I do anyway.

Ready for some descriptions? Cat people, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

It’s 4.43am the fluff isn’t beside you, you wonder where she is…until…you hear the tinkle of a bell in the distance…oh no. *BRRRRING BOOOOP BASSSH FRANTIC GALLOPING RINNNGG CRASH* She’s found the noisy toy. 

So what do you eat? Chicken, the thin ham-like chicken. Why? Because that’s her favourite food, and she isn’t getting any.  You eat this in front of her because the punishment fits the crime. 

You know when you’re just sitting there and the floof comes trotting along and plonks herself down on your lap? Then she turns around a million times to make herself comfortable?

Not only does she use your leg as a scratching post, She then decides that HER most comfortable position is the one where her butt is in your face. 

So what do you eat? Whatever’s in arms reach, you can’t disturb a sleeping cat even if you don’t have a nice view. In my case, it is usually some form of chocolate. 

What do you mean you don’t have chocolate in arms reach at all times?!?! 

You know how I mentioned how she loves a good tummy scratch? Well, that’s only when she isn’t feeling playful. 

You will never feel more betrayed than when you turn around for two seconds and SCRATCHY MC SCRATCH SCRATCH. You let your guard down and she got ya. 

So what do you eat? The left-over stir fry from the night before, but you eat it locked in the bathroom because you can’t look at that backstabbing betrayer right now. 

“MAAAAAOOOOW, MAAAAAOOOOOOOOOW, MEEEEEEEEOOO” 

Do you know why this happens? Because she really really really really wants to.. 

Wait for it….. 

Get into a cupboard, not just any old cupboard, the one I keep my jackets in. WHY DOES SHE WANT IN THERE?!?! THERE’S NOTHING IN THERE. 

So what do you eat? A bacon roll, because the smell of the frying bacon will encourage her to leave the useless-to-cats cupboard alone. 

Bacon Roll ! Last of the dry cured !

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Get this, my cat is fluff-y. Fluffy to the point where you touch her your hand will be covered in fluff. Me, my clothes, my house and somehow my car is covered in hair.

You will never escape the fluff, the fluff ALWAYS finds you. Even the rollies from Ikea and H&M don’t work, any advice will be taken gratefully. 

So what do you eat? Crisps, because they are a packaged good that have not yet been touched by fluff…….that’s what you think. 

Fun fact: my cat loves pizza. She isn’t allowed pizza,  but that doesn’t mean I haven’t found her 3/4 of the way through a slice of Dominos because she has managed to get into the bin (will explain at a later date). 

When I order pizza (all the time), she gets frantic. She will climb on your knee, your back, she will put her paw out to grab it from your hand, she will climb along your legs to reach the pizza and she will attempt to grab a slice from the box when you’re not looking. 

I don’t have to ask, but you are clearly eating pizza. Pizza makes everything better let’s face that fact immediately. 

This is all a joke and I love my cat to the moon and back. I mean…look at her!

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What do you eat when your cats pissing you off?

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One thought on “What to Eat When Your Cats Pissing You Off

  1. My cat has decided that when I’m using the bathroom for whatever reason (even the shower), that’s the *perfect* time for cuddles. Uh, no cat. Now is not the best time for a petting. Unfortunately, because I’m in the bathroom I can’t really eat anything, so I tend to go hungry when my cat is pissing me off.

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