Why is Eating so Hard?

Is it just me, or does half of your dinner end up down your top? And is it only when I wear white that this happens?

I am lucky I don’t have to go out for dinner with strangers as I don’t believe any of them would talk to me again. Eating with me is like going out with a cute fluffy gremlin until water is poured onto them and then they become a monster, except you just swap the water with food.

Let me explain.

Mexican is my favourite cuisine, and yet, I am incapable of eating it.

Let’s start with some guacamole. Scooping it up, simple enough, until I try to catch all the extra bits of guac falling off of my nacho with my fingers because I like them fully loaded. Then attempting to fit the entire thing in my mouth and failing miserably.

Fajitas, well, lets just say we used to get fajitas at school and even though I turned the tortilla up from the bottom so nothing would fall out I would still be elbow deep in mess.

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Aaaaahh chicken wings. Hot sauce’s best friend and my edible enemy.

I just want to eat these all the time, but how can I when I end up looking like the Joker from Batman after eating just one?

The people who put the entire thing in their mouth and then bring the bones back out with zero chicken, wow, just wow. I feel like this is in the same awesome category as tying a cherry stalk with your mouth.

Is there an awards for eating food? No? There should be.

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#spaghetti #vongole 😋😋😋

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Spaghetti, coming from a family who eat spaghetti by twisting it with a fork and spoon and then shoving it in your gob, you would think I have this one mastered. (Also people who cut up spaghetti in little chunks, what ya doing guys? Respect the pasta.)

How can two dogs make eating this look so fancy and cute, I can’t even eat it normally by myself never mind with someone else, never mind with an actual dog.

Those slippery suckers do not want to be eaten. I am often proud of how much spaghetti I have consumed in one sitting and then look down to see half of the dish is on my lap.

I asked my friends, what do you find hard to eat? Instantly two of them said ‘burgers’ and I couldn’t agree more.

This food form is not equipped for the small mouthed, small handed people. Especially when it is piled high with fillings you didn’t even know came in burgers.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, when it comes to burgers simpler is better because the concentration goes on the perfect burger not on the random components. I don’t remember asking for a chorizo, black pudding, haggis, blue cheese, lobster, carrot, satay, ice cream burger and yet you keep giving them to me.

What’s up Bruschetta? What’s the deal? Do you hate me?

When i pick you up, you fall apart.

When I put you near my mouth, you fall apart.

When I look at you, you fall apart.

A girl just wants a bite, you know?

The food of the devil.

One bite and I have sugar all over my face. It looks all fluffy and cloud like BUT DON’T LET IT FOOL YOU. It sticks on to you like a leech that’s never seen the light of day, hard and sticky, impossible to get off.

The mosquitos of the food world. BEWARE.

Guys, I am capable of eating….I swear. 

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