Batter week: Great British Bake Off

8.02 STOP SINGING AND SHOW ME THE MONEY…I MEAN BATTER

8.04…..Did I just see Churros !!!…Classic cheesy joke about batter….aw I love you Mel and Sue.

8.04 Here comes Paul, in his oddly….salmon…..baby pink shirt? Mary, looking fantastic as per usual, look a that jacket…she is G.L.O.W.I.N.G, well you would be too if you were queen of cake.

8.05 ‘Once it is in the oven it is in the lap of the Gods’ QUOTE MUCH MARY, EXCUSE ME WHILE I GET IT TATTOOED ON MY WRIST.

8.06 Val, the cutest of the cutest. Gym Lipstick girl not wearing an ‘out there’ lipstick this week she seems to be toning it down, bring back the dark purple! OH MY GOD DO HER YORKSHIRE PUDDINGS HAVE VAGINAS IN THEM?!

8.08 Saffron Yorkshire puddings mate? In what golden plated world do you live in?

8.11 Ahhhhh Selasi my shining star, you crackle that pork!

8.13 What’s wrong with a classic roast, why are they filling them with shit what is going on?

My cat has decided to sit on my laptop conveniently as I am trying to live write this. She may be cute and fluffy but she is BEING REALLY SELFISH and her breath stinks like a salmon swimming through dung.

BACK TO THE BAKE OFF.

8.15 ‘They are humongous!’ You go Selasi, set your Yorkshire puddings free to blow everyones minds.

8.17 Oh wow last week’s (undeserved) star baker is shit at making Yorkshire puddings…what a shame…………………(sarcasm)

8.21 You go gym lipstick girl, you rock those Yorkshire puddings!

8.22 OH TOM, WHAT A NIGHTMARE. FLAT AS A PANCAKE.

8.23 Let’s be serious now, it is nearly impossible to get Yorkshire puddings to all look the same.

8.26 Why would anyone eat a lace pancake? Did Paul just make them up, do they actually exist? Is his fantastic pink salmon shirt not fantastic enough that he had to add some lace?

8.3o The practices have gone well guys, I have high hopes for everyone. I think this is the only show where I don’t want anyone to fail. Growing to like fancy lace pancakes they are very pretty, HOWEVER I would be raging if I had to eat it, there is zero space for my jar of nutella.

8.31 Tosser or a flipper? Has anyone started a drinking game where every time there is a sexual innuendo you take a shot? I’d be on the floor after minute 5.

8.34 I love this part because they slag people off a bit more as they don’t know who it is. Plus can we appreciate how bad everyones picture is? Did the photographer make everyone look into the sun deliberately?

8.37 Is this it….are they bringing me the Churros I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU RUIN CHURROS FOR ME…

Calm down Talor.

8.37… blah blah bitching about contestants…get on with it

8.38 Is that how you pronounce Churros? I always pronounced it CHEW-ROWS not CHEW-ROSS…..can someone let me know…k thanks.

8.40 EVERYONE IS JAZZING UP THEIR DOUGH. Don’t ruin something that is already perfect. FFS VAL GET WITH IT, GET RID OF THE ORANGE FLAVOUR.

8.41 Did he just say MATCHA….this is the point where I turn my TV off and give up

(I won’t though love bake off)

8.44 OH MY GOD ANDREW IS GOING TO EXPLODE FROM PIPING THERE’S A FIRST FOR EVERYTHING. Ah Selasi, you daredevil you! Freezing THEN frying, you’re mad! I love it!

8.48 Ahhh deep fat fryers, creating delicious food one step at a time, followed by a heart attack.

Update on cat: she just looked at me angrily, breathing her smelly breath on me and then left.

8.50 I don’t want anyone to leave, but I also don’t think anyone has done well….tough one.

WHY ARE YOU ON THE FLOOR SELASI.

8.52 No offence to everyone but they all look shite.

8.54 Ooh Jane, a good dipping sauce you go girlfriend.

8.55 You are looking for consistency Paul. OH REALLY. I DIDNT KNOW THAT

8.55 Surprise surprise the Matcha flavour FAILED.

8.56 Lol sad roadkill bunnies, only time I will laugh at that. What does ‘impregnated’ mean when it comes to Churros is that a word in the cake dictionary?

8.56 Pouting lipstick gym girl is up, she looks like she is going to cry AGAIN.

Benjamina is a strong contender in this round she has NAILED the Churros, you go girl. They look tasty, and now I am hungry.

8.58 I am not going to lie she has never been a favourite but she has done fab, well done to Benjamina.

8.58 I have no emotions over Kate leaving…soz. I was also convinced you were going too Tom.

8.59 NEXT TIME IS PASTRY. Fingers crossed for Steak Bakes, making hangovers better since I can remember.

Let’s leave it on this note shall we……

 

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*Featured Image From The Great British Bake Off Twitter Page

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